What Most People Get Wrong About Networking

Many people think of networking as a numbers game. They believe that the more new people they connect with, the better their chances of success. This mindset often leads to superficial interactions and missed opportunities for deeper, more meaningful connections that are central to effective networking.

Instead of attending networking events making meaningless small talk, it’s time to rethink how you’re approaching networking and building those networking skills to support both your short- and long-term career goals.

Why Settle for “Probablies?”

Recently I was speaking with someone who confided that he didn’t understand why people say that networking is so important.

“It feels like I’m just collecting business cards like Pokemon. Gotta catch ‘em all, I guess,” he said with a rueful smile.

I thought for a moment, then asked him to think about the last person he networked with. He said, “Okay, I’m thinking of them.”

I replied, “Great, now tell me what it is they do, and how you think they do it.”

He said, “They have a marketing job. They probably make websites and do social media posting and do product surveys.”

I nodded. “OK, what do you think is the most challenging thing for them in their job?”

He responded, “It’s probably keeping up with the latest trends and technologies.”

“Got it. Now, what would you say motivates them to do what they do? What do they love to achieve?”

He said, “I guess it would be the satisfaction of creating successful campaigns and seeing its impact.”

“Makes sense,” I said. “But notice that for every answer, you said ‘probably’ or ‘I guess.’ You might be right, you might be wrong. But if we aren’t approaching networking with a spirit of curiosity and discovery, like doing research, we are just playing Pokemon. The people who are making networking work for them are playing another game—and are turning probablies into certainties.”

“OK, from here on out the only people I’ll play Pokemon with are my nieces and nephews.”

When you understand people with certainty, you can feel more confident that your efforts to help them will be on target. Likewise, you’re more likely to receive help that’s on target as well.

By asking questions and seeking to understand someone fully, we move from assumptions to certainty, leading to more effective and meaningful networking, which is the key to unlocking new opportunities.

A Better Way to Approach Your Networking Strategy: Think of It as Puzzle-Solving

Instead of focusing on the quantity of connections, consider approaching networking as puzzle-solving. Everyone you meet is like a unique puzzle, with their own stories, needs, and motivations. We all tend to make assumptions about what other people want, what they do, and how they do it. By understanding each person as a puzzle, you can create more meaningful and impactful interactions.

This curiosity is essential for conversations that serve as a foundation for a strong network. The good news? Networking skills are easy to learn. A little mindset shift can go a long way!

Different Ways to Approach Networking

If you’re feeling stuck as you think about networking, I suggest that you start by reframing your networking goals. Here are some fun, different ways to consider approaching an effective networking process:

1. Treat Networking as a Mission

Think of each networking interaction as a mission to understand the other person and help them understand you.

When we take the time to truly understand one another, we can offer more meaningful assistance and build stronger, more collaborative relationships and valuable connections.

Here are some tools you might like to use:

• Prepare Specific Questions: Before attending a networking event or meeting potential contacts, prepare a list of specific questions that will help you understand the other person’s goals, challenges, and interests. This could include asking about their recent projects, what they enjoy most about their work, or what challenges they are currently facing.
• Follow-Up: After the initial meeting, send follow-up messages that reference something specific you discussed with each new connection. This shows that you were paying attention and are genuinely interested in their work and success, which will help you build meaningful relationships with the people you met, even briefly.
• Offer Assistance: Identify ways you can help them based on your conversation. This could be through sharing resources, introducing them to someone in your current network, or offering your expertise.

After you network, you can reflect on whether or not you achieved your mission, maybe even track your progress in a spreadsheet or notebook! This is a great way to make sure that you’re not playing Pokémon.

2. Create a Great Experience for Others

Networking can be a way to help someone else have a memorable experience. It can be rare for someone to feel that someone else genuinely cares enough to learn about them.

By asking questions about things that matter to you and showing genuine interest, you can make a lasting impression and build a solid foundation for future interactions.

Here are some approaches you might consider:

• Active Listening: Practice active listening by making eye contact, nodding, and summarizing what the you heard. This demonstrates that you are fully engaged in the conversation.
• Personal Touch: Personalize your interactions by remembering details about the person and bringing them up in future conversations. This could be something as simple as recalling their favorite hobby or a recent trip they mentioned.
• Host a Networking Event: Organize a small networking event with a theme or activity that you and your connections enjoy. This can create a relaxed environment where people feel comfortable sharing and connecting.

Sometimes when we are meeting people we can get very wrapped up in whether or not we’re making a great impression—and as a result, perhaps not make such a great impression. But when we make an effort to genuinely care about other people, making a great impression is as close to automatic as you can get.

3. Appreciate the Art of Human Interaction

Imagine that everyone you meet is a unique work of art. Spend time appreciating the complexity and beauty of each individual. This perspective can transform your networking interactions, making them more enjoyable and enriching.

4. Discover Your Own Way

Whatever approach you use, it needs to come from a place of curiosity. As you talk to new people, ask them questions that you care about, not just idle chitchat. Otherwise you’ll find yourself in an interaction that neither of you really wants to be in.

As you’re setting goals around your networking efforts, keep these frameworks in mind. When you’re genuine in your conversations, most people find that communication becomes much less uncomfortable.

By shifting your mindset from a numbers game to puzzle-solving, you can unlock the true potential of networking and build more meaningful, impactful connections.

Setting Long-Term Goals for Networking

I hope it goes without saying (but I’ll say it anyway!) your networking goals in the long run need to align with your career goals.

As you’re setting networking goals, focus on building a robust network in areas you want to explore or grow, not just meeting new people. Instead, set goals that will help you make progress in your career and accomplish all you hope in your professional life.

For example, if you’re interested in community banking, you might start by connecting with industry professionals on LinkedIn, engaging in conversations, and attending relevant events. Over time, these interactions can lead to deeper knowledge and more substantial opportunities, contributing to your professional development.

Your network isn’t just a group of people. It’s one of the most powerful resources (if not the most powerful resource) you can have.

Setting Short-Term Goals for Networking

Your short-term networking goals should support your long-term professional goals. They need to be relevant to what you want to accomplish—otherwise what’s the point?

Don’t forget, as you set networking goals focus on understanding and finding small ways to assist others and support building real relationships.

Here are some practical networking skills you can practice to inspire your thinking:

• Listen Actively: Ensure the other person feels heard and valued, paying attention not just to their words but their facial expressions and their body language.
• Build Rapport: Aim to leave every interaction with a positive impression and a sense of connection. Take a moment to tune into the positive aspects of the conversation, even if it’s just the positive experience of improving your networking skills.
• Meet New Contacts: Seek to meet and connect with at least one new person at each event. Try to find someone that you would be excited to tell the people in your life that you met.
• Offer Immediate Help (if possible): Identify specific tasks or small, immediate ways to assist, such as making an introduction, providing advice, recommending a book, or suggesting a follow-up meeting. Don’t forget the part where you ask first if they’d be interested in what you’re offering! And don’t follow through if they’re not enthusiastic—a polite yes is really a no.

Think of ways to practice these skills in your everyday life. Use them in meetings with your colleagues, mentors and even friends and family. Your network isn’t just other professional connections or business acquaintances!

You can set measurable goals to track regularly, or aim instead for another way to evaluate your progress. This approach is about finding ways to connect and stay connected as your network grows.

Examples of Good Networking Goals

Sure, you can set SMART goals to build your networking skills. But instead of checking boxes like specific, measurable, actionable, relevant and time-bound that we’ve drilled so many times (which has its drawbacks according to both HBR and MIT), I encourage you to additionally set a clear definition of success for yourself.

What do you want to achieve moving forward? What do you hope to accomplish in the next 3, 5 or 10 years?

Take the time to build a career plan, and use it as the foundation to set your networking objectives. Here are some examples of networking goals that can help keep you focused as you work to expand your professional network.

Use these as inspiration when you’re setting networking goals, but take the time to personalize them for your own needs.

Example 1: Connect with Five Industry Experts in the Next Three Months

Why It’s Good: This goal is specific, measurable and achievable, ensuring steady growth in your network. You can track it easily to ensure you’re building critical relationships, both inside or outside your current organization.

By making your networking efforts a repeatable process, you can build the skill like a muscle. Eventually, it will no longer feel like a networking process, but instead maintaining connections with friends or mentors.

Example 2: Attend Two Industry Conferences a Year

Why It’s Good: Conferences offer concentrated networking opportunities, exposure to new ideas, and potential collaborations. You can uncover new skills, gain valuable data and insights on your industry and perhaps meet providers of services that can help your company meet its goals.

Remember, this isn’t about collecting business cards like Pokemon. Your networking goal for these events should tie to your larger career plan.

Example 3: Follow Up with One New Connection Each Week

Why It’s Good: Consistent follow-up fosters relationships and keeps your network active. Too often I see professionals limit the scope of their networking to new opportunities. Don’t forget about the connections you’ve already made!

This simple, reasonable goal will help you build real relationships over time. You can provide something of value—like sharing a current article you think they’d enjoy—or just offer to talk about what’s challenging them. Not only are you offering to help and building rapport, but you might even get some fresh perspective for your own work.

Determine what networking skills you want to focus on and set clear expectations for yourself.

Setting Your Own Networking Goals

When setting your networking goals, be clear about what you want to achieve and how you plan to do it. Tailor your goals to your personal and professional aspirations.

For instance, if you want to transition into a new industry, your goals might include learning from current professionals and attending relevant events.

If you’re looking to refine your networking strategy and set better goals, consider working with a career coach. A coach can provide personalized guidance, helping you navigate the complexities of networking and achieve your career aspirations.

Book a free call here to learn more and get started.

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