How many of us can honestly say we’re not happy with life? How many of us can say that if we had the choice to improve our happiness, we would? One of the most common feelings people struggle to find is happiness and the real question is: why is happiness so hard to find?

Is it because things didn’t work out like planned? Is it the lack of finances? Lack of significant other? From an external point of view, those reasons plus more could be the determining factor. BUT from an INTERNAL point the answer is NO. So many of us place our happiness in the hands of situations, people, successes and the #1 factor we believe is money. But why is it majority of the richest people aren’t happy either? It can’t just be from materialistic things, it’s deeper than that.

Happiness Robbers

I read a book by Marci Shimoff called “Happy For No Reason,” who stated there are three different types of happiness robbers: blaming, complaining, and feeling shame. Instantly, I had an aha moment and realized – wow, this is exactly what makes me feel sad! When I blame others for my mishaps, shame myself for mistakes I’ve made, or complain about what’s not going right, my happiness decreased! So if we want to learn how to have and keep happiness, we must be mindful of those three things.

Blame

Blaming people for our past or current circumstances and situation can be detrimental for our happiness. When we blame others or our circumstances when we choose to make excuses, we give up our power. It doesn’t allow us to take responsibility for what we can do NOW to improve our current conditions. It also blocks us from having clarity and without clarity how could we gain the proper solution?

Coaching Tip:

Every time you blame something or someone, take a moment to stop yourself and try to focus on the solution rather than blaming. You can also ask yourself the following quick questions to gain more insight for a solution:

*What is the issue?

*What is it that I don’t understand about the issue?

*What is it I’m really feeling?

*What can I do about it? 

Shame

Let’s face reality here: we all mess up. We all make mistakes that sometimes can’t be fixed the way we want them to be fixed. What we choose to do after can elevate or hesitate our growth. Those times where you have a human moment and want to shame yourself, take the challenge to stop yourself in the midst of your shaming party and ask yourself:

“What can I learn from this?”

”What can I do about it now to move forward?”

A lot of times identifying something positive or a lesson from a mistake will help ease the judgment and give you a better perspective rather than playing the victim. When we play victim and shame ourselves, we lose our power once again.

Complaining

Complaining is the #1 way to block your blessings. It instantly puts you in a funky mood and robs the joy you seek. Nobody wants to attend a pity-party, so it’s best for us to stop sending out the invites. When we complain, we’re focusing on things we don’t want or don’t like and when we hone in our energy on these things, we attract more of it. It’s like a pity-party that can last an entire lifetime if we let it and that kind of partying 24/7 gets tiring.

The best advice is: when you’re complaining or feeling ungrateful, look for things that ARE going right or things you do like and celebrate that. Always remember what we CHOOSE to focus our energy on is what we’ll attract.

By eliminating these 3 things out of our lives, we will not only learn how to be more appreciative, responsible for our own outcomes and actions and not give other people our power, but we will begin to see a shift with our inner happiness.

Quote of the month:

Happiness is letting go of what you think your life is supposed to look like and celebrating it for everything that is. –Mandy Hale!

Affirmation of the month:

I am grateful that I allow myself to experience a deep sense of happiness and peace everyday!