Category: Gratitude

woman holding a journal with a flower in it

Enough is as Good as a Feast

Mindset & Mindfulness

05/01/23

Nicole Wood

Enough is as good as a feast. I’ve been thinking about this quote a lot. A little while back I wrote about my recent molar pregnancy experience. It’s a rare chromosomal abnormality in a pregnancy that leads to you growing a tumor instead of a fetus. Not only did I lose the pregnancy that I had been so desperately trying for, but my type of molar pregnancy presented a 20-25% chance that the pregnancy tissue would become malignant and evolve into a form of cancer.  The way they can track if the cells are growing or not is by measuring your HCG levels (pregnancy hormone) in your blood. Ideally, this level drops from sky-high to 0 over the course of the next couple months after the issue is identified and the tissue is removed surgically. The first few weeks after surgery my HCG level was dropping, dropping, dropping. I was moving past the pregnancy loss and starting to get hopeful again about the future. And then… It jumped up.  I got the test results on a Saturday morning and didn’t hear from my doctor until Monday. For those 48 hours, I was an absolute lunatic. I devoured every blog post, clinical study, and medical document the internet had to offer. I talked to everyone I knew who had medical expertise even remotely relevant to my situation. I recalibrated my future plans knowing that I was headed for chemo and with that came a very prolonged timeline for when I could try for a baby again. I cried. A lot. Monday came and doc said we won’t head straight for chemo. We will wait at least another week to see how my blood work continues to evolve. The next week, my level went down.  Then it went up again. Then down again. Then up. Then it stalled. I was eventually referred to the oncologist. I’m happy to report that after 14 weeks, my HCG finally dropped to 0. There’s still a chance it could reappear, but for now, this is great news.  This experience was a special form of torture for me. I’m a pretty adaptable person. I can change course quickly and don’t get too hung up on the past. I can face anything in front of me. I just need to know what it is.  For me, the waiting is what’s miserable. The not knowing if I’d be doing chemo or not. A 6 month wait to try for another baby or a year-and-a-half long wait. Any of these options was manageable. I just hated waiting and waiting and waiting to find out which one it would be. When I first wrote about my molar pregnancy, my biggest fear was that I’d get so fixated on it, and trying for a second child, that I’d miss out on the joy of spending time with my two-year-old. I don’t think I’ve done that. I’ve been having so much fun with her and managing to remain present as a parent. But I largely sank into a slump. If anyone asked, “How are you doing?” they had better brace for impact. “Not great and here’s why.” Couple this oversharer with an ongoing health issue that occupied a tremendous amount of brain space, and anybody and everybody was going to get a lesson in pregnancy hormones.  I had become so one note. It had become my excuse for everything. I was over me. And reaching that point is usually a good catalyst for change. In my mind, I was incredibly justified in feeling crappy. And to some extent that’s true. I have been through a lot and I need to give myself grace for not always being at my best. And simultaneously, things can not be perfect and still be good. I can be going through something tough and still be joyful. I can get out of survival mode and thrive even when life doesn’t go my way.  Because what is thriving? Is it abundance? Is it having everything you want? Or is it your posture toward life? Is it a headspace you occupy?  So I keep coming back to, “Enough is as good as a feast.” It’s not about having everything; it’s about having your needs met. And being grateful for that. I’ve always been a striver. Working toward that next goal. Pushing myself a little bit harder. And while that characteristic is largely what’s made me successful, it’s also responsible for making me unhappy. And so I’m working to balance ambition and vision with gratitude and contentment. It’s starting to become clear to me in so many aspects of my life. Am I back to my pre-baby physique or weight? No. But I’m healthy (I mean ish. Molar pregnancy aside). I can carry my daughter. I can fulfill my responsibilities. For today, that’s enough. Is my business making money hand over fist? No. But it’s growing. It’s making an impact in people’s lives. It’s creating long-lasting friendships. For today, that’s enough.  Am I pregnant with my second child, rounding out my ideal four-person family? No. But I love the three of us together. If another child never comes, that will always be enough. Our coaches will tell you that while you can’t always control your thoughts, you can control the power and validity you give them. You can control which thoughts become the narrative you share. And the narrative you share so often becomes the reality you see. Last year when people would ask me how business was, I would often say, “It’s really hard.” And it felt hard. And the more I said it, the harder it felt. And I was so drained by that. Things haven’t gotten easier this year on paper, but they’ve become lighter for me emotionally because I’ve intentionally changed that narrative. I can tackle difficult challenges but still do them with a sense of ease.  I’m working on making this same shift personally. I can be in this weird, long, scary health thing and

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Nicole speaking with microphone

Coping With Pregnancy Loss At Work

Mindset & Mindfulness

04/03/23

Nicole Wood

My husband often describes himself as a “toes in the sand” kind of person. He means that he doesn’t get pre-excited for vacations because it’s not real for him yet. It’s not until his toes are literally in the sand that it feels real and he starts to get excited about the fun that lies ahead. I’m the opposite. Half of the enjoyment for me is in the anticipation and planning. I get excited thinking about the experience, researching things I want to do and places I want to eat. It feels real for me from the second I say out loud that we’re going. These roles hold true for us during pregnancy and are exacerbated by the fact that I’m the one who is physically feeling how real it is. From the second I think I might be pregnant, my brain races. I’m envisioning this person. I’m planning their room. I’m planning our lives. Throughout the entire day, as I feel all the changes in my body, the reality of this future life vision gets solidified. It makes the let down of pregnancy loss that much more challenging. I’m not just losing this person I’ve grown for a few days or weeks or months, I’m losing an entire life I’ve built with them in my mind. And the grief that comes with that is very real. The all-consuming nature of this experience can make focusing on work challenging. You’re physically there, but your mind is elsewhere. You’re often grieving something without most people around you even knowing about it. Coping with pregnancy loss at work can feel like bottling up the emotions that come with deep loss because it’s taboo to discuss or it feels like the expectation is you should be able to carry on like normal. If you’re anything like me and you’ve experienced a miscarriage, you will say, “I’m fine.” And you will feel mostly fine. And you will keep things moving mostly fine. And you are mostly fine. Until you’re not. Until it bubbles over and you break down. Until you’re forced to realize that maybe you weren’t as fine all along as you thought you were. Now having gone through two pregnancy losses, I’ve learned a bit about what helps me cope when returning to work. These steps help me grieve in a healthy way and not get to the point where things boil over.  With my most recent pregnancy, I learned that it wasn’t viable at my first prenatal appointment at about 8.5 weeks. I was supposed to come into the office that day, and my team knew I was headed to this appointment first. After receiving the news that I was experiencing a Molar Pregnancy, I just couldn’t bring myself to go to the office that day. I gave myself the rest of the day off to be sad.  For me, I just needed an afternoon and then looked forward to getting back to work. I knew that I couldn’t be productive that day or have regular conversations without crying and also that I like to stay busy when I’m going through something tough. For you, this might look different. You may wish to take a few days to yourself – if that is feasible for you, do it. Taking time to acknowledge your feelings can give you the space to grieve without forcing yourself to get right back to it and act like nothing happened. You may not feel comfortable sharing what you’re experiencing if you are newer to a role, don’t have trusting relationships with colleagues, or were very early on in your pregnancy. That’s okay. You have to trust your gut in terms of what you feel comfortable sharing and with whom. For me, sharing my experience was a key part of my recovery and a way I allowed my colleagues to have a glimpse into my headspace and behavior. Days when I seemed short, sad, or distracted, I probably was. And this sharing allowed them to fully consider what might be on my mind and not internalize it as a reflection of them.  The outpouring of support I received when I shared very openly about my loss (via a blog post) was truly heartwarming and helped me to connect with others and feel less alone. Even the experience of writing my feeling down was cathartic. If you’re not up for sharing it, journaling what you’re going through might be helpful in and of itself. I asked a colleague, Shelby Davis, what helped her after having a late-stage pregnancy loss. “I think feeling open to talk about it is what helped me the most so I didn’t feel like I had to stuff it all down and act like everything was fine and nothing happened. I had conversations with my direct boss and his boss to let them know what had happened and that it would take me some time to be back to my normal bubbly self. They told me to take the time I needed and if I needed anything throughout the process to let them know. They were very understanding, and my team that I managed was so thoughtful.” While opening up can be extremely scary and uncomfortable, you might be surprised at the support you receive and who provides it. Pregnancy loss and infertility are so pervasive that many people, even those you don’t suspect, have had their own journey with these experiences and are incredibly empathetic. People’s reactions will vary widely when they learn of your news, and some people won’t have the capacity or awareness to support you how you’d like. This can be very disappointing. At the same time as I mentioned above, others may show up for you in ways you never expected.  Many of my closest friends responded with “Oh so sorry” and not a whole lot else because they didn’t know what to say or probably didn’t think much about it after the initial news. That’s okay! Not

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nicole wood smiling looking up to the sky

Waiting to Live

Mindset & Mindfulness

01/06/23

Nicole Wood

I just had my second miscarriage.  I went in for my first OB appointment of the pregnancy at 8.5 weeks as is standard practice. With my daughter, we thought on that first scan that she looked like the cutest little gummy bear. While nervous given the last pregnancy didn’t work out, I was so excited to see that wiggly, tiny little baby on the screen. Already at this point, I was in deep. I had: I walked into that appointment buzzing with excitement to see my baby for the first time. Instead, in the span of 15 minutes, I received a whirlwind of news that left me with no baby and a cancer scare instead. I had a rare occurrence called a molar pregnancy. It’s a chromosomal abnormality that leads to your body growing a mass of cells instead of an embryo. There’s no chance of a viable pregnancy, and instead there’s a real risk that, even after a d&c, those cells continue to grow (cancer) and require chemo to combat. Through my research and consultation with my doctor, I was made aware that no matter what happened post-d&c, this is a very treatable condition, and I will ultimately be totally fine. That’s certainly a relief. I know I’m going to be okay.  But it is unsafe for me to try to conceive again for many months, potentially over a year, depending on the course of my treatment and recovery. And who knows what will happen then.  The summer maternity leave I was planning for… gone. The 2.5 year apart siblings growing up together… gone. The family of four I thought I’d soon have… gone. And quickly replaced with massive doubt that it will ever come. So what now? I’m giving myself some time to be sad. And angry. And jealous. And heartbroken. Because I am all of those things and they deserve a space in this process. And then… I’m putting one foot in front of the other and continuing to move forward. With each day it gets easier. I’m spontaneously crying less… so that’s something. But my biggest fear in all of this isn’t that I’ll have cancer or even that I’ll never be able to have another child. It’s that I’ll squander years of my life, precious years of my daughter’s toddlerhood, waiting and wanting for something else. That I’ll be so focused on the next step toward recovery and trying for the next baby that I’ll be unable to fully enjoy the one I have right in front of me. And I can’t let that happen. I know my situation is unique, but in so many ways it’s not. You’ve felt this before. The struggle of trying to enjoy life when you feel like you’re waiting for a big part of it to start. You’ve had your version of it. Maybe you’re living it now. Waiting to land that amazing job so you can ease your financial strains and be able to contribute your talents meaningfully. Waiting to get through this seemingly never-ending project at work so things can calm down and you can make plans again. Waiting for your business to find solid footing so you can prove that your idea wasn’t crazy. Waiting to find the one so your life with a partner can begin. Waiting to get even that first positive test so you can become the parent you know you were meant to be. Waiting for something to happen that may almost entirely be out of your control, that you feel is standing in the way of you living the life that you truly want for yourself. It sucks. It really sucks. This isn’t a “5 Steps to Overcome…” type of post. Today, I have no advice. All I have is my story.  All I can do is share that if you are feeling similarly, I see you, I have hope for both of us, and I believe that no matter how difficult it is, our lives today are worth living fully just as they are. I can remind us that no matter what’s missing, there’s so much good stuff here already. I can tell you that you’re justified in cursing the world for its injustice, just as I am. And that you’re not foolish for holding onto hope for what might be. I unfortunately cannot tell the future. I don’t know if or when what each of us wants will come our way. But my wish for you today and always is that in the midst of the waiting, you don’t forget to keep living.

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What to Do When Your Holidays Look Different

Kindness

12/23/20

Foram Sheth

2020. This year has been full of adjustments and changes. Most of the changes have been difficult to deal with and now that the holidays are upon us and look different, these changes feel even more drastic. It is an understatement to say that the holidays are different this year. I found myself getting upset because I did not keep traditions with my daughter. This is her third Christmas and I wanted to do Santa photos, buy a custom ornament from the Christkindlmarket, take her to see lights and so on. I’m still functioning in the sense of what I should be doing.  I have not re-aligned with my current reality. It is hard to do that. This holiday season is a slap in your face reminder that we cannot be with our loved ones. We cannot do what we traditionally do. But we can still re-magine it. To do that, we need to adjust to our reality. Here are a couple of things that might help when enduring all of this years’ changes. Embrace your pod With all the travel restrictions, seeing family might not be in the cards and you have to spend your holidays with your ‘pod’ instead of your family. If you can’t travel, spend time with those who you are already quarantined with. Also, remember to get some virtual facetime with your family if possible! Pick and choose your old traditions Uphold the traditions that are important to you, even if the holidays look different. If that’s watching Jingle All The Way (yes, it’s a Soni family tradition), do a virtual movie night at a set time. If it’s decorating your tree, grab your pod and decorate the crap out of your tree. Figure out what tradition has been important to you, and make sure that tradition is here to stay. Make some new traditions This year is different, so it could be a good time to embrace a new holiday tradition. Perhaps this year it might mean not having to be in the kitchen for hours. Instead, you order in, relax and read a book. Maybe it might mean that you do an art project together or play a new game. Find something that brings you joy and make it happen! Lean into your emotions Don’t force yourself to be happy. Be sad if you need to. It’s important to acknowledge our feelings and feel what we need. Not everyone is going to be celebrating this year. In addition to everything being different, maybe you had a loss in the family. Shut off social media, disconnect and do what you need to process and grieve. I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to lean into those emotions and not put a fake smile on. Let it go Remember to let go of what you may not be able to control this year. We cannot change the external forces around us (as much as we would like to). This means constantly reminding ourselves that “I’m doing the best I can”. I am focused on what I can control and I am reminding myself to let go of everything I can’t.  Kindness Be kind to yourself. When you find the negative self-talk creeping in, shut it down. Reframe the narrative in your head and cut yourself some slack. It’s okay if you didn’t wake up at 5:00am to work out. It’s even okay if you didn’t do all the things you did last year, the holidays look different this year. Today is your day off. Rest Take a nap, take a bath, read a book, go for a walk. Do something to relax and rest because your body needs it. Your brain needs it. Your sanity needs it. Figure out what will give you the R&R you need, and prioritize it! Do something for you What is one thing that you have been putting off this year? What is something you’ve had your eye on, but didn’t feel justified in getting it? Do something for yourself this holiday season. It doesn’t have to be expensive or big. Just a small gesture that reminds you that you matter, that you are worthy of good things, and that you have to care for yourself. Give back If you can, find ways to give back to someone. Maybe it’s sending a handwritten note to someone saying you’re thinking of them, or making some hot chocolate for your neighbor who has had a tough year. By giving back, we feel euphoric and feel a sense of accomplishment and spread joy to those around us who might not have gotten it otherwise. *** This year is all sorts of crazy and the holidays look different. It has been really hard for most of us, and we’ve spent so much time in angst and worry. It is okay to take a step back, breathe, reflect inward and veer from tradition because that may be required this year. Remember, the holidays are meant to be a celebration of something. It’s easy to get so caught up in the traditions and logistics of it that we forget about what they’re all about in the first place.

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key milestones to celebrate

3 Key Milestones to Celebrate When Changing a Habit

Achieving Goals

11/22/19

Dhara Naik

Committing to change a habit, a pattern or a belief about ourselves is HARD work. The decision to make the change is a long, arduous dialogue with our inner selves. When we finally embark on the journey to make the change, it’s easy to feel unmotivated or completely give up when we don’t see progress, because of that, I’ve discovered some key milestones to celebrate along the way! In my personal effort to create new habits and let go of self-limiting beliefs, I’ve quit many times only to find myself wanting to start over again. After a few times of starting, stopping and restarting, I am now trying a new way to keep myself motivated along the journey. This involves naming key milestones to celebrate on my personal growth journey so I can show myself how much progress I’ve made even when I feel nothing has happened or I’m stuck.  While there are many ways to define your progress, these are the three key three milestones that I like to celebrate.   The 21st Day  I love the number 21 because in today’s culture we’ve made it synonymous with change and growth. If you commit to a change for 21 days, there’s a greater likelihood that you’ll continue practicing it until it eventually becomes a habit. If that doesn’t convince you, in numerology, 21 signifies success, completion and the fulfillment of a desire. This is why I love marking the 21st day when I’m working on a new habit, like incorporating a new exercise in my workout routine.  Getting to 21 doesn’t seem as daunting as a full month. It also allows me to focus on one day at a time because if you start at the beginning of the month, you still have 10 or 11 days left in the month to feel accomplished and continue with your journey.  Yay 21!  The ‘Middle of The Tunnel’ Feeling When we’ve made it past the first 21 days and we’re still continuing along our journey, we’re bound to have days where we feel frustrated or it feels like we’re stuck in the middle of a deep, dark tunnel and we don’t know when we’re going to walk out on the other side.  I’ve had many moments like this, especially when I was struggling to stay on track with a consistent workout schedule. That’s a point in my journey when I’ve always had to take a big step back to see how far I’ve come. It may seem like there hasn’t been a change or it’s slow, but when I’ve turned around in this theoretical tunnel, this shift in perspective has always shown me how much progress I’ve made.  For me, that was seeing how consistently I had started working out and how much more energy I had. These are small changes but taking a step back to see them motivated me to keep going instead of getting impatient and quitting, which is what I would have done in the past. I am much farther along my journey than when I first started out; even though I still have a ways to go, I can walk through the tunnel with the knowing that I am eventually going to get to the destination of reaching my goal weight.  Do you have any practical tips/reflection questions you ask in this phase to help you focus on the bigger goal? The First ‘Aha Moment’  This is the part when things really start to get real. When we walk out of the tunnel and we start to see the light, we’re so busy focused on maintaining our new change, that we don’t even realize we’re doing it. Inevitably, there’s always a moment where you find yourself thinking differently or choosing to react differently after what seems like an exorbitant amount of time working on the change.  That’s what I call the first ‘aha moment’ because you realize you’ve reacted or chosen differently in a moment where you could have reverted to your old way of doing something.  For me this was when I realized I was actively choosing to work out instead of sleeping in and had made working out a mandatory part of my day. But this could also be when you realize you’re reacting differently in a moment without even trying instead of getting angry or impatient. This is a moment to reward yourself! It means you’re integrating the change that you want to make into your life without thinking too much about it. We don’t pay much attention to these small moments, but they are huge. And we need to celebrate them more often.  I have definitely struggled to change habits and patterns that I know aren’t serving me well over the years. There are days and moments where I still and will struggle, but I am happy to always celebrate progress over perfection. Thinking about these 3 milestones to reward myself along the way has kept me motivated, even when giving up was the easy and comfortable choice. What are some of the ways you reward yourself on your journey? Leave a comment below! 

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birthday reflections on what matters most

The Values That Really Matter To Me

09/23/19

Dhara Naik

Every year around my birthday, I always take time to do a little year in review. I write down important milestones, lessons learned and things that I’m proud of.  The number one question I ask myself is, am I staying true to the values that really matter to me? As I’ve thought about this question over the last few years, I’ve found it to be a helpful exercise. It keeps me grounded and always ensures that my personal journey is rooted in some sort of purpose.  My list is still a work in progress. I’m sure that it will continue to change over time. However, here are the three things that I always come back to when I think about what matters most to me: Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff  I’ll be the first to admit that I can recall times where I’ve been so caught up in the small details of something, that I’ve let those small things get the best of me. Whether it led me to get annoyed or frustrated with a situation or a person, sometimes I’ve let those things consume my energy more than they needed to. Now, when I find myself in that place, I tell myself to take a step back. I ask myself if this is something that’s really going to matter. Is this something that’s really going to matter in 10 months or 10 years? More often than not, the answer is no. Checking myself helps me let go of whatever it is that’s draining my energy.  Savor the Magic in Moments  When I’d take the train back to the city from visiting my grandfather, I would always remember some of our special moments. Whether it was teaching me how to ride my first tricycle, catching me red-handed in the backyard while I was cutting my doll’s hair, showing me that math problems were fun (we never did agree on this!) or beaming with pride when I told him about getting my first job in NYC after grad school. Those were the moments that I will forever hold onto.   What matters most to me is experiencing new things, seeing more of the world, and enjoying moments that make my heart full. Memories that I can look back on fondly and smile to my heart’s content. That value will always matter to me more than any material item. Live Without Regret  During my time in New York City, I was sacrificing what I really wanted in order to conform to a norm or a checklist. I was failing miserably at it because I was unhappy. In a book by Bronnie Ware, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, the number one regret of the people that she interviewed was not living a life that was true to them, but living the life that others expected of them. If it’s one thing that I’ve never been able to do is live my life based on a checklist. It’s never worked out for me even when I’ve desperately tried to fit in.  I’ve found that I am much happier living the life that I want because I’m more fulfilled. Even though I’ve made my fair share of mistakes or decisions haven’t turned out the way that I’ve wanted them to, I have always felt it was the right thing for me to do. Now, I always ask myself, is this something you’re going to regret if you don’t do it? If the answer is a very loud “yes,” I go for it. No matter how far it strays from “the norm.” There’s only one definition of normal in my book and that’s how I’ve chosen to define the term.  I’m sure there will be many more things to add to this list as I figure out what’s right for me, but these are some great daily reminders. What are some of the values that matter most to you? Share yours in the comments below! 

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positive thinking quote "think positive"

Positive Thinking, It’s Powerful!

Achieving Goals

09/19/19

Jessica Fernandez-Evans

One of the first lessons you’re taught in acting school (the first era of my career) is to always say yes. Or ‘Siempre si!’ as one particularly joyful teacher used to say. The word ‘no’ – and by extension, a negative mindset in general – is limiting. It closes doors, builds walls and keeps out opportunities. It closes YOU down. But saying yes and employing a positive mindset can open you up for a world of possibility.  The power of positive thinking has long been known as a useful tool for surviving today’s increasingly stressful work environments. But can positivity help you survive your day-to-day life and help you advance your career?  Having long utilized this frame of mind myself, I am here to tell you that it can. I never had any job remotely related to my acting degree after leaving college. This meant I have often found myself in roles where – because I didn’t have any formal training or education in said role – I had to rely on my other skills to get ahead. And let me tell you, saying yes to positivity time and time again in my various workplaces has opened up significant doors that otherwise would have stayed shut. Here’s what I’ve learned about positive thinking: You’ll be a better problem solver Think about a time when you were faced with a problem. Was that problem easier if you felt angry, resentful or depressed about it? My hunch is that it wasn’t. Having a positive mindset can help you look at a tough situation and overcome it. It helps you look for the possibilities, instead of the problems.  Having a positive mindset also means instead of saying, ‘I don’t know how to do that’ you can say, ‘I don’t know how to do that…yet’. I have often found myself in a workplace situation where I felt like a fish out of water. Instead of focusing on what I didn’t know, I would choose to look at the situation as a chance to grow my knowledge or skillset. And each time, that’s exactly what I did. I learned about everything from drafting a budget and managing a team just by saying yes. Over time, my bosses and peers came to see me as someone who was always up for a challenge, instead of someone who wasn’t quite ready for the task. You’ll be someone others seek out Once you’re known as a proactive problem solver, you’ll be a person that others come to when they need help. This can give you a chance to show off your skills or impress your boss that you might not have otherwise had.  I was once asked to cover a colleague’s duties while he was on vacation; eager to learn about another area of the business I wasn’t familiar with, I said yes. And when that same employee left the company a couple of months later, guess who was promoted to take on that same role? This proved to be a major step-up for me, one I wouldn’t have gotten had I not said yes in that first instance. There is, of course, a caveat – being positive doesn’t always mean you have to say yes to EVERYTHING that might get thrown your way. It is absolutely okay to say, ‘Let me think about that and get back to you,’ and then walk away and evaluate what you want to do. But by not immediately saying no, you present yourself as a person who is open and receptive, not negative and off-putting. You’ll find a lot more chances to showcase your talents this way. And the more chances you can show what a stellar employee you are, the more chances you’ll have to level up. You’ll build your ally base On the flip side, having a positive relationship with your co-workers can mean that when YOU have a problem, you will probably find it a lot easier to find someone to help you out when you need it. You have to spend 40+ hours a week with your colleagues – be someone others (including your bosses) want to be around! And as an added bonus, that could prove to give you the needed edge when it comes time for a promotion. You can help build your own allies by helping build a more positive atmosphere in your workplace. In one office I worked at, I would send Monday Motivational Memes to my team first thing Monday mornings. It helps to start the week on the right foot – a picture of something cute or funny to put a smile on my co-workers’ faces as they start the work week. (I always found pictures of tiny animals with an inspiring quote to be particularly effective).  While this may not be appropriate for every setting, think about ways you can inject a little smile or positive feeling to your office. Asking someone how their weekend was, offering to grab a coffee from the breakroom if you’re going or listening when someone just needs to vent. There are all ways to build a mutually positive relationship and grow your ally base in the workplace. And the more allies you have, the more support you’ll have when you need it. You will succeed – just believe! Above all, stay positive about yourself and your abilities! It’s so much easier to do something you believe you can than something you doubt yourself on. Channel your inner Little Engine That Could and get the thing done! Saying ‘yes’ to myself – even when I was scared out of my mind! – has led me to some amazing experiences (both job & life) that I wouldn’t trade for the world. So, how do you be that positive person in the room? There are many articles dedicated to this very topic, but here’s what I’ve found useful:

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journal used for questions of gratitude

Questions Of Gratiude

Gratitude

04/17/19

Nicole Wood

I recently returned from a wonderful vacation in South Africa. It was a nice blend of planned excursions and time for relaxation. I’m not one of those people who likes a jam-packed agenda when I’m traveling. I like to have some anchor points of things I know I absolutely want to do and then leave the rest for when I arrive. We always end up meeting interesting people and deciding to do things we never would have known about when researching back home. One day on this trip I turned to my husband and said, “What do you want to do tomorrow?” As the words came out of my mouth, they lingered there for a moment. That sentence really struck me, and I felt overwhelmed with wonder and gratitude. This simple question – what do you want to do tomorrow – said so much. It said that we had the freedom and luxury to choose our day. It said that we were healthy and able-bodied enough to pursue an adventure of our choosing. It said we had the means to make our choice a reality (within reason). It said I had a loved one to share my tomorrow with me. “Wow,” I thought. “I am really, really lucky.” What types of questions do we ask every day that we take for granted even having the ability to ask? What types of seemingly insignificant, benign phrases actually mean so much more than we realize? Something as simple as, “What’s for dinner?” can mean so much when you really think about it. How many wonderful aspects of your life are wrapped up in that single sentence? As you move through your day today, I ask you to take note of these. “What did you learn in school today?” “When do you think we should open the pool?” “How did your presentation go?” “Can you please, please help me fold all this laundry for once?” Stop and pause for a second to think about what each one says about your life. Think about the assumptions embedded in each. And then let yourself feel that same moment of gratitude for the gift of being able to ask the question.   This Week’s Challenge   Keep a journal of the questions that stand out the most to you this week as you reflect on the many things you have to be grateful for. At the end of the week review your list of questions, and let the beauty of it all sink in.   We know you want to learn more. Here are some of our favorite additional resources:   Get started journaling in the digital age: The 10 best journaling apps. And if you prefer paper: The one minute gratitude hournal Plan your best vacation ever: With these scientifically proven ways Feel the good vides with an episode of:The Rise Podcast with Rachel Hollis

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Creative Ways to Display Kindness

Confidence

04/10/19

Randi Hill

I associate kindness with spring. I’m not saying that people can’t be kind in any other season, but I just feel more kind during the spring. The cool breeze makes me want to hold the door a second longer, and the flowers make me smile. Maybe it’s the sun or the air of possibility that comes with spring but I feel like there are so many ways to embody kindness in the spring that makes people feel extra loved. If you haven’t noticed, when people receive out of the ordinary kindness they tend to replicate it. The dominoes are all set up in a line waiting for someone to knock them down. Here are my three favorite ways to kick start kindness in spring. Send them a card! When was the last time you received mail that wasn’t a bill, an Amazon order, or a holiday/birthday card? Chances are it wasn’t recently. Take a second and reflect on what it feels like to get a random card from someone just checking in on you wanting to know what fun things you have been up too? It means a lot more than a text. One of my favorite things to do is to pick up puny cards when I see them at Target so I always have a few on stock when I think of a friend I haven’t heard from recently. Give them some flowers, or a plant! (So maybe this one isn’t for everyone in your life) – I wouldn’t recommend getting flowers for people who struggle with spring allergies. This can be a fun seasonal way to show them you were thinking about them and to brighten their day. It’s also really good for their health. Did you know, you’re supposed to have 1 house plant for every 100 square feet in your home to help maximize the air quality? Bonus points if you can leave the greenery someplace they will find naturally versus just walking up to them and handing them a living object. There is something extra special about being surprised with a thoughtful gesture! Maybe you don’t feel like driving to a store to buy some plants. I have two answers for you, 1) Trader Joes 2) Look outside. Spring has sprung so just be on the lookout when you’re outside. I just caution against taking flowers or plants from private property. Invite them over for dinner or game night! One of my favorite ways to reach out to friends I haven’t seen in a while is to invite them over to hang out. I bring out the nice silverware and board games for a night of casual fun and lots of conversation! Sometimes we put a lot of pressure on relationships, and we forget to have fun. Spending time together without an agenda is a great way to get silly, laugh, and revive the fun in a friendship. When someone goes out of their way to appreciate you, it inspires you to do the same! This week’s challenge Write down the names of three people you want to go above and beyond for with kindness. Write out your act of kindness and execute on your plan! We know you want to learn more. Here are some of our favorite additional resources: Look At: The Random Acts of Kindness Read: How sharing kindness can make you healthier and happier Listen To An Episode Of: The Kindness Podcast Check Out: Why random acts of kindness matter to your wellbeing

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The Gift of Gratitude – The ALV 9

12/21/16

Nicole Wood

Our month spent focusing on The Gift of Gratitude was phenomenal, filled with laughs, happy tears and lots of fun gratitude videos from our ALV family. We’ve spent some time reflecting on all we learned in November have compiled the ALV 9, our top 9 takeaways from blogs, videos, research, coaching, ALV Live with Priya Shah and all your thoughts and ideas in ALV Connect. So let’s have at it: Don’t wait for something negative to enjoy the positive Of course life is a series of ups and downs, and when you are in a down, you have a new perspective on how high that up was. It’s natural. As I mentioned in my blog on gratitude, a concerted effort to identify and be grateful for all the ups you are currently living in can help you feel the same level of happiness and appreciation, hopefully without having to experience the down. Don’t postpone gratitude for certain milestones They call them milestones for a reason. They are something separated by a long distance. Most of your life is spent in the space between the milestones, so it doesn’t make sense to postpone your gratitude or joy for some point potentially far into the future. Learn to appreciate the journey because the journey is the reality in which you live. Absolutely celebrate the milestone once it’s reached, but don’t underestimate the power of the moments in between and the impact your perception of them can have on your life. Appreciate the little things and savor them A cup of coffee. A sunny day. A birthday card. All are beautiful, small things to be grateful for and not to rush past. Start to recognize the little things in life, as Priya Shah would define as The Simple Good.  Savor those moments of appreciation and even document them and share them with the world to enjoy too using #thesimplegood. And if you’re not up for sharing them publicly, document them for yourself. A small task, like journaling for just 5 minutes a day about what you’re grateful for can lead to a stronger immune system, higher levels of positive emotion, more joy and optimism, feeling less lonely, according to The 5 Minute Journal, one of our favorite gratitude tools. Gratitude makes you more successful Foram explained in her coaching insights video that when you express gratitude often, people want to be around you. It gravitates people toward you. This is a positive contributor to your reputation and others’ willingness to support you and can significantly enhance your career success. As quoted in this Forbes article, Geoffrey James states, “People who approach life with a sense of gratitude are constantly aware of what’s wonderful in their life. Because they enjoy the fruits of their successes, they seek out more success. And when things don’t go as planned, people who are grateful can put failure into perspective.” Appreciate people as well as things We often focus on material things when thinking about gratitude and forget to identify the people we are fortunate for in our lives. Most of the time, it is the people which bring us more joy than the things, so we shouldn’t overlook the value of being grateful for them. Take a moment to think about the people in your life who listen to you, support you, are fun to be around, who love you. I’ll bet you’ll find a lot to be grateful for. Express your gratitude In this month’s 20 Minute Life Changer, we had the opportunity to reflect on how it feels to be appreciated and how it feels when those around us don’t recognize our efforts or contributions. You may think it’s understood that you appreciate the people in your life, but often people just aren’t sure until you say it out loud! We also learned that writing a gratitude letter to a loved one can improve your happiness and wellbeing for up to 6 months after the exercise. This video from Soulpancake shows just how powerful the gratitude letter experience can be.  Expressing gratitude makes others feel great and makes you feel great in the process. Identify the flip side to your problems Remember to always put your challenges into perspective. What is the flip side to the annoyances and struggles of daily life? Grrr it sucks so bad that my flight was delayed. But wait I’m so lucky to have the opportunity to travel. What a pain, my laptop won’t work. Hold on a sec, I’m fortunate to have a fancy computer. Chances are, most of the time when something bad happens to us, the situation that even afforded us the opportunity for the bad thing to happen, someone else would love to be in. There are people who do not have the means for a laptop or to travel, so certainly take your moment to be frustrated, but also put that frustration into perspective and appreciate the flip side of your problem. Everyone is going through something As Katie wrote in her blog post, “Why Me (And How Did I Get So Lucky)“, it is easy to get caught up in our own, personal struggles and forget to realize that everyone is going through something. You may think, “What do I have to be grateful for when I’m dealing with such a hardship?” And you may be. But there are people out there who are dealing with trying hardships too in areas of your life that are not challenging for you. Maybe you are having relationship issues, but you have a great career. Maybe someone else has a great relationship but is struggling with weight issues. We all have our personal struggles, and we all have so much to be grateful for too. It is in our darkest times that it is most important to recognize all the light in our lives. Be compassionate Recognizing that everyone has their own challenges is a great way to begin building your capacity for compassion. Who knows

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Why me? (oh, and, how did i get so lucky?)

Women Empowerment

11/11/16

Katie Bennett

I was hoping that next time I wrote anything about miscarriages, I would be holding a sweet little baby in my arms and could whisper messages of hope to all of those experiencing hardships, “Keep at it. You’ll get there”, “See, miracles happen”, “Keep believing.” Ok, so I still believe all of these things, but unfortunately I’m not writing to you with a baby sleeping on my lap (yet!). This post is not just about miscarriage, but I have realized something during my miscarriages that I would like to share. On the weekend, I had another one. Yep, number four. I felt somewhat numbed by it. Really, universe? Again? I had just come back from four months in Australia where I had been undergoing IVF to get a PGD embryo (a fancy way of saying a healthy embryo) so that we could reduce the biggest miscarriage risk which comes from conceiving an abnormal embryo. We tried transferring two healthy embryos on two different months… nothing… I flew back to Seattle, my heart aching for home and my husband, and one week later, bang! Of course, we were pregnant again! Well, you know how that story ends, but I found myself thinking, Why? Why is it so easy for everyone else? Why is so hard for me? Now most of you may have never experienced a miscarriage (thank god) but I’m pretty sure that hasn’t inoculated you from asking the question, “Why? Why me?” about some aspect of your life. Perhaps you still haven’t found the love of your life. You’re sitting at home alone with a beer and a pizza scrolling through photos on Facebook of drunk bachelorette parties, beautiful weddings and honeymoons in paradise, and you ask yourself, “Why? Why is it so easy for them? Why is it so hard for me?” Perhaps you have been on a diet for three years straight. All you want is to take a big fat bite into a donut, but you know that three minutes later you will be ten pounds heavier, yet those skinny bitches around you are eating McDonalds for breakfast and still have a bloody thigh gap, and you ask yourself, “Why? Why is it so easy for them? Why is it so hard for me?” Or maybe your best friend has arranged a girls trip to Mexico, which you desperately want to go on, and which everyone else has signed up for without batting an eye lid. But you know that rounding up the cash to go on that trip means steamed rice for dinner for at least two months after, and you ask yourself, “Why? Why is it so easy for them? Why is it so hard for me? The moral of the story is that everyone has a “why?” Pregnancy loss is my “why?” Pregnancy loss is the experience that makes me wonder why things seem so easy for others and so difficult for me. But you know what? There are countless things in my life which are not a “why?” but instead a “how?” – a “How did I get so lucky?” It’s so easy for us to think of the things that others have and we don’t, and social media makes it almost impossible to avoid. But it is also important to remember that everyone has their own challenges, everyone has their own “why me?” But everyone also has their own “How did I get so lucky?” So I want to finish this piece by challenging everyone to do three things this week: 1) Be compassionate. That person honking their horn on the freeway, or giving you an evil eye at the coffee shop does not actually hate you, nor are they trying to piss you off. They are just dealing with their own “why me?” 2) When you have a moment of “why me?” (which we all do) try and shift your mindset. Notice the things that you are lucky to have, the things that are likely somebody else’s “why me?” The things that make you ask yourself “How did I get so lucky?” 3) Be real. We don’t have to pretend that life is all sunshine and lollypops. When we are real with people, we give them permission to be real with us. We let them in and help them realize that they are not alone in their “why me.” I know that it’s not always easy to do these things. In fact, sometimes I’m the one honking on the freeway or lashing out at a loved one because I’m having a moment of “why me?” (yesterday was a case in point). And when we’re feeling that way, it becomes even harder to be compassionate toward others – but it is also when it is most important. It is the periods of difficulty and uncertainty that we must do our best to remember that we are not alone in this; that everyone has their own journey and its challenges, and that the highlight reel that you see on social media is a very distorted reflection of peoples real lives. Have a deep conversation with anyone you know and ask them what they’re going through. I bet you will find it doesn’t look anything like the cocktail on the beach that they posted yesterday! In my own experience, one of the greatest sources of healing has come from transparency. Be real. Talk to the people you love. I think you’ll realize that you’re not alone; that you are surrounded by care and support, and you may even stop to ask yourself: “How did I get so lucky?” Katie xx Want more from Ama La Vida? Sign up for our newsletter 🙂

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The Gift of Gratitude

10/31/16

Nicole Wood

It has been a long day for me. I got three hours of sleep, I took a 6am flight, I have been on one bus, three subways and a train today. My laptop refused to connect to the internet all day, so I spent over an hour on the phone with Apple (and was forced to listen to Coldplay while on hold) only to discover it was a network problem and not a laptop problem. While this may seem like a bizarre time to write a blog on gratitude, I actually think it’s quite logical. Listen to my problems. I got to travel to a different city today. I got to explore its transit system and feel that satisfaction of knowing I navigated one bus, three subways and a train all by myself with next to no hiccups ;). I have a Macbook. Something that costs many people’s rent payment. Something I had wanted for a really long time. Damn. I’m pretty freaking lucky.   It’s all about perspective. You can choose to view the array of public transit as a burden or as an adventure. You can pretend like Coldplay is a good band and rock out, or you can let it add to your misery (I know this one’s a stretch. Coldplay sucks). What to you seems like a shitty stroke of luck (having to take a 6am flight), could be something someone else has dreamed of (visiting New York City). I’m not saying don’t feel bad for yourself when unfortunate things happen to you. Take a minute. Cry. Scream. Be angry or sad. But I am saying to also take a second to at least appreciate how lucky you are, and that other people would kill to have your problems. You, like me, have got it pretty damn good.   Don’t wait until you cross a certain threshold to appreciate what you have. I have this tendency. Once my business is making X dollars, it will be amazing. Once we just redo the dining room I’ll love my house. It is human nature to focus more on what you don’t have than what you do. Funny how it takes getting a cold to appreciate being able to breathe through both nostrils. Or being in another country to appreciate the comforts of home. Or seeing another couple fight to be thankful for your partner. You often need to experience the downs to appreciate the ups. But does that have to be the case? What if we tried, really tried hard, to recognize that much of what we’re living right now is an up, and if we are very fortunate, we may never have to experience the down. What if we focused more on what we do have than what we don’t? I can guarantee you, that concerted effort to recognize and appreciate the ups you are living in, will make you feel more happy and full.   Even when we are grateful and we recognize it internally, most of us really suck at expressing it. Who did something nice for you today? Who supported you, complimented you, helped you, listened to you, made you laugh, taught you something, shared something with you? There are people all around us who add beauty and excitement to our lives. But we wait for special occasions (or a late night drunken bonding sesh) to tell them how much it means. That’s bullshit. Don’t wait. Tell them today. Tell them right now. Tell them in the moment that you’re thankful. Let them know that you recognize them for what they’re adding to your life and you appreciate it. It will feel good for them to hear, and it will feel good for you to say.   Now I know that each and every one of us has gone through something real. True heartache that doesn’t come from a broken laptop. So I won’t belittle your life’s struggles or assume that you have made it to where you are without the world truly testing the limits of your resolve. Rather what I challenge you to do is change your mindset. Begin to see the even small moments of beauty when you’re smack dab in the middle of those trying times. And take the time to appreciate those moments and those people, even when things are going well. The world will continue to offer you these gifts, if you take the time to be grateful for them. Write a mental thank you card to the world. And you’ll be surprised at how much more she gives and gives.

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