Category: Mental Health

How To Tackle (and even embrace) Your Quarter Life Crisis

Career Discovery

08/10/17

Katie Bennett

I’ve been there. My business partners have been there.  Half of my clients have been there. The majority of my friends have been there too. The qarter-life-crisis is a real thing, and it’s happening all around the world.  But it doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing, and from my experience, in most cases, the quarter life crisis is an important trigger for powerful and positive change (even though it can feel daunting and exhausting at the time).  Here are four key tips for not only dealing with a quarter-life-crisis, but actually embracing (and maybe even enjoying) it! Change Your Mindset When people experience a quarter life crisis, their default reaction is to panic. They often become anxious and overwhelmed and these feelings only work to exasperate the crisis.  In fact, a crisis is a signal that something needs to change and this can be a really positive thing. Sometimes people have been doing something they don’t enjoy for far too long, and this tipping point is just what they need to finally take action. Perceive the crisis as an important prompt – remember, your mindset matters! This is your chance to transform your life and/or career in a really positive way. Focus Inward Before Going Outward When people find themselves in a quarter life crisis, they look everywhere around them for help and guidance. They might bury themselves in distractions, seek the advice of friends (typically over one too many cocktails) or anxiously search job boards for something that might relieve them of their situation.  These are all band-aid solutions. The most important first step is to understand what’s going wrong. Are you doing something you hate? Are you with a company completely misaligned to your values? Are you feeling a lack of passion or purpose? Only once you understand what is going wrong can you take the necessary steps to overcome it. Surround Yourself with Supportive and Empowering people When we are feeling a certain way, our default is sometimes to surround ourselves with others feeling that way so that we feel less alone.  This can be dangerous because it only feeds your negative feelings and emotions.  Find people that believe in you and support you. Attend inspirational events and gatherings.  Think about your most inspiring friends or colleagues and organize coffee with them. Hire a coach who will support and empower you.  Whatever you do, don’t wallow. Surround yourself with people who will help lift you out of your funk. Three Words: Bite Sized Pieces It can be incredibly overwhelming to think about how on earth you are ever going to get yourself out of a quarter life crisis. At the time, you feel in a very dark and confusing place and nothing feels clear.  This can affect your confidence and self-worth which then makes things feel even worse.  The key is to take very small steps each day.  Don’t spend too much time dwelling on the end goal, just think about what you need to do next.  Perhaps it’s something as small as writing down everything you’re feeling. When we break big goals into small pieces, it helps diminish overwhelm and anxiety.  It’s great to have a vision, but focus just on your next step If you’re in the throes of your quarter life crisis, I can definitely relate and understand this can be a difficult and confusing time. But the result of it might be a catalyst to move you forward in your life and career. Look for opportunity in the chaos, and you’re sure to find something amazing.

Read More

Connect the dots to happiness through embracing wellness practices

06/21/17

Ashley

This month, the ALV team is centering on “healthy body, healthy mind” which presents a perfect opportunity to provide further insight to the somewhat broad concept of “wellness”.  My philosophy is that people who live most healthful are also the happiest.  With this premise in mind, I both inspire and guide people towards conscientious, healthful living behavior and decision making. Below are the primary dimensions of wellness. Your mindset falls within these dimensions, particularly the intellectual and emotional petals. It is important to understand that these dimensions will intertwine.  Identifying ways to utilize that overlap between the mind and other physiological functionality to support overall wellness is a trending area in lifestyle health and healthcare approaches.  For example, appropriate nutrition, limiting or avoiding environmental aspects that may be adverse in nature, and paying attention to your social environment are all means of supporting the system which powers your mood and well-being. But a key component to favorable lifestyle health is human behavior.  Changing behaviors which are non- or less supportive of health and wellbeing can be incredibly challenging.  Motivational triggers and barriers, social support, and even the environment in which a person lives can impact our ability to make lasting behavioral changes. According to Dr. Cynthia Sholes, PhD of the Mind Wave Institute, behaviors, habits, and mental function are largely the result of automated, unconscious activity within the nervous system. In other words, behaviors can be so hard to change because we largely conduct them without even being conscious of it! However, similar to strength training muscles, concerted effort can be exercised to best activate the processes that are not on auto-pilot and, therefore, instigate stronger will power and analytical thinking.  This is otherwise known as training the mind. Mind training helps you increase awareness and serves as a gateway to the parts of the mind that are automated in nature, putting you on the right path to be able to influence your behaviors.   A great exercise for starting to bring greater awareness to our mental function and behavior, as you may have heard from one of your ALV coaches, is to examine the impact of the stories we tell ourselves.  It is important to ask ourselves what behaviors these stories are reinforcing in us by asking the following questions: Are they clarifying our level of understanding for something or making our mindset cloudy? Do the stories encourage us to move forward, accept circumstances we can’t control, but motivate us to make effective change for those we can? On a personal level, practicing mind training exercises that bring about focus on awareness has played a critical role in keeping me focused on supportive lifestyle decisions and protocols related to my health as I worked to overcome challenges presented by autoimmune conditions. In doing so, I had to take a concerted look at the story I was telling myself.  Practicing a conscience approach to knowledge and acceptance of my circumstances led me to stay positive, motivated, and structured while I made the behavioral changes I needed to make in response to my health conditions. I also needed to make changes to my dietary plan given that nutrition triggers a range of physiological activity associated to mental performance, muscle function, energy levels, and sleep quality.  Furthermore, quality of dietary intake can impact memory, thinking and learning, clarity, and coordination which tie into productivity, creativity, resilience, and social connections. It didn’t stop there. I altered my personal care and household products, sleep schedule, and even how I engaged in my social environment. All of these elements were contributing factors to help me not only be healthy but happier and more productive in my work. Below are four take-aways to increase your level of awareness and engagement in supportive, healthful living practices: Train the mind like a muscle. Behavior science has taught us that repetition and duration (like an exercise plan) are important.  Scientists call this “dose”.  Visionary tactics such as retelling one’s story can further support this activity. Practice living well. Knowledge for dimensions of wellness can support your journey and guide decision making. It doesn’t take a science lesson every day, but acceptance that lifestyle health is definitely a sum of inter-connected parts.  An action taken in one dimension will have respective effects across other dimensions.  This is part of what we mean when we use terms such as “whole health” or “holistic” with regards to health and healthcare approaches. Pay special attention to the nutrition. This may be a health coach’s bias; however, it is one that is thoroughly backed by science. Appropriate intake across phytonutrients, such as antioxidants and enzymes, and amino acids from food are foundational to physiological mechanisms within our biochemistry.  Appropriately trained professionals can help you come up with dietary intake strategies best suited to your lifestyle and individual circumstances. Consider a structured program. According to Dr. Sholes, people like to stick to a program and a 30-day plan is ideal to form a stable habit. This also aligns well to many scientific studies centered on human behavior change and health outcomes. Want more from Ama La Vida? Sign up for our newsletter 🙂

Read More

I challenge You to Try This New Diet

Confidence

06/13/17

Katie Bennett

I work with people every day helping them achieve their goals. I would say that one third of my clients have goals around their weight and physical health. They work extremely hard day in and day out ensuring that they abide by the right diet and exercise plan to reach their desired weight. Now I am all for physical health and wellness. I too watch what I eat. I do my best to stick to a lean and clean diet and try to opt for organic produce when possible. I also walk or run for at least an hour every day (most days) and try to sneak in some sit ups and push ups as well. However, what I have noticed over my years of being a coach is that people are a lot more lax with their mental diet and exercise than they are with their physical. They don’t care nearly as much about what’s on their mind as what’s on their plate, and while it may be obvious that going to the gym builds physical strength, the idea of building mental strength through changing habits and thought patterns seems almost foreign. This is understandable. We grew up being told to watch what we eat, not watch what we think. We grew up being told to work out our abs not work out our minds. What if we were as careful with our thoughts as we are with our food? What if we could watch what we feed our mind as much as we watch what we feed our bodies?  This is not a hypothetical question. I want you to actually take a moment – to think about it and to answer it. I like to practice what I preach, and so I did so too. I took a moment, I thought about it and I answered it. Here are some thoughts and ideas that I arrived at: We would love ourselves more Self-love can sound like a bit of a fluffy, maybe even idealistic concept. The idea of “loving yourself” gets thrown around a lot and is rarely substantiated by practical ways to actually achieve it. Our quest for self-love is a long and challenging one. One that certainly doesn’t happen over night. One that takes months, years and sometimes decades of challenging and confronting work. Self-talk is a crucial driver (or detractor) of self-love. Think back over the day you had. What are some of the things you told yourself? Perhaps that those jeans hardly fit you anymore because you’ve gained weight. Or that your presentation sucks, and no-one is going to like it. Perhaps you talked yourself out of going to that party because you wouldn’t fit in. Would you say these things to the person that you love the most in the world? Of course you wouldn’t. What if you spoke to yourself in the same way that you spoke to the people you love? What if you monitored your thoughts and blocked out the ones that were critical and only entertained those that were positive or constructive? I challenge you to try it. I challenge you to start accepting and rejecting the digestion of certain thoughts in the same way you would food. When you see a cream-filled donut, you’re able to say “no” because it doesn’t serve your health goals. So when you see a hate-filled criticism, why not block it out in the same way? For the next week, only allow in the kale smoothie equivalent of your thoughts, and just watch what happens. We would have far stronger relationships Think about the last time you felt in a crappy mood. How did you treat the people around you? How much love did you show your boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse? How did you treat your friends, colleagues and even strangers? Now contrast that to the last time you felt awesome. When we are feeling happy and confident, we treat those around us with kindness, love and respect. And what makes us feel happy and confident? Well, obviously many things, but some of the big drivers of how we feel are the things we are reading, the things we are watching and the people we are surrounding ourselves with. When we feed ourselves encouraging and inspirational videos and articles, we feel great and want others to as well. When we surround ourselves with people who lift us up and not shut us down, we feel a greater sense of confidence and worth and this energy has a ripple effect on all of the people around us. Start paying attention to your environment and whether it’s clearing or polluting your mind.  Amend accordingly. We would have greater courage and confidence The food we put in our bodies gives us (or takes away from us) energy and strength. Similarly, the food we feed our mind provides (or detracts) from our levels of courage of confidence. If you spend your days looking at celebrities in mansions and models with airbrushed bodies, how do you start to feel about your own world and life? Probably pretty inadequate. If you spend your life reading all of the crisis stories that big news channels feed us, how do you feel about the world? Probably pretty low and disheartened. I’m not saying stop watching the news entirely but know that for every doomsday story, there is a story of brilliance, of innovation and of restored faith in humanity. Of course, the news channels don’t focus on those ones…but that doesn’t mean you can’t. Today we have an abundance of information – blogs, podcasts, Youtube. I challenge you to find at least one empowering blog or podcast and split your time between that and your traditional channels. Try it for one week and notice how it makes you feel. When we discover the amazing things that people are doing in the world (and trust me, people are doing amazing things!) we feel inspired and empowered! At the end of this article, I’ve provided a list

Read More

11 Things NOT TO Say To Someone WITH Anxiety

Mental Health

06/01/17

Katie Bennett

A little bit of anxiety here and there is a fairly common and normal emotion. First day on the job… going on a blind date… the night before your wedding. These are all things that may cause a little bit of anxiety. After all, it is your body’s natural response to stress. But when anxiety begins to become prolonged, extreme or severe, it can be very challenging and at times even debilitating. Most of us know someone who struggles with anxiety. But most of us don’t always know what to say or do when they are feeling anxious, particularly if they are having a panic attack. There are certain things we can say that can make them feel better. For example, when someone suffering from anxiety feels heard, loved and understood, it helps them to deal with the anxiety and its symptoms.  On the flip side, when someone feels judged, belittled or excluded, it makes the anxiety far worse – sometimes even paralyzing. So what should you avoid saying to someone with anxiety so that you don’t make it harder for them than it already is? Here are 11 things NOT to say to someone with anxiety: Don’t say “Just get over it.” This is one of the most common, insensitive and ineffective things to say to someone with anxiety. If they could simply “just get over it” then of course they would.  Alas, it is not so simple.  You would never say to someone with a broken leg, “Whatever, just walk on it.” Yet because we cannot “see” anxiety, it is hard for people that have never experienced it to understand it. A person experiencing anxiety has perceptions and thought patterns which are broken and distorted. Just like it is difficult and damaging to try and walk normally when you have a broke leg, it is equally difficult and damaging to just try and think normally when you are suffering from anxiety.  Instead of saying “just get over it,” a better thing to say is, “Is there anything I can do?” or “Know that I am here for you.”  This helps the other person to feel heard, valued and supported. Don’t say “It’s all in your head.” Even though the thoughts that create anxiety definitely start in one’s mind, the implications of anxiety are very real – both physically and emotionally.   Telling someone with anxiety that it is all in their head can in fact exasperate their feelings of anxiety and make matters far worse.  Even though their thinking patterns may be distorted, in that very moment, it is extremely difficult for someone who has anxiety to see that.  A much better thing to do is to help them calm down by finding someplace quiet and supporting them to take deep breaths. Don’t say “Weirdo” or any other name (even if seemingly in jest). When someone is suffering anxiety, they may look like they are getting worked up about something relative small or seemingly insignificant. What’s important to remember is that in that very moment, it is not small or insignificant to that person. Anxiety feels large, dark and overwhelming.  Even if their behaviors may be seem strange to you, it is important not to make them feel that they are weird or crazy. This will also exacerbate the anxiety.  Instead, help them feel supported and less alone by asking them how you can help or just letting them know that you are there for them. Don’t say “Calm down.” Never in the history of calming down has anyone ever calmed down by being told to calm down.  Whether you’ve experienced anxiety or not, at some point in your life, chances are you’ve experienced anger or frustration, and someone has told you to calm down.  How did it make you feel? Likely not calmer. In fact, it likely made you feel ever more angry or frustrated.  The same is true for anxiety.  Telling someone who is experiencing anxiety to calm down will just make them feel more anxious. Instead, try giving them simple, specific and practical tips such as taking a deep breath, counting to 10 or listening to some music. Don’t say “At least you…” Sometimes people, with the best intentions, try to make someone else feel better by comparing their situations to others who might be worse off or by highlighting something good in the hope of helping them see less need to be anxious. For example, if someone is feeling anxiety about an upcoming social event, you might want to say something like, “Well at least you are invited to these types of things” or “At least you don’t have to be the one hosting.”  While these comments may be well-meaning, the use of “at least” can diminish what someone is feeling by making it seem comparatively a lesser deal. Instead, validate their fear and emotion and once again, simply ask if there is anything you can do to help. Don’t say Nothing. When you’re with someone who has serious anxiety or is suffering a panic attack, it’s hard to know exactly what to do or say. Because of this, sometimes people just do nothing. Or worse still, walk away. This signals to the person with anxiety that you don’t really care (even though you do!). You don’t need to do or say anything grand, but a few words or a small gesture to let them know you care can go a long way. Even just putting your arm around them or giving them a hug show that you are there for them and that you truly care. Don’t say “Just…” Just breathe. Just go for a walk. Just calm down. Just call your mom. Telling someone with anxiety to “just” do something, suggests there is an easy solution and diminishes the seriousness of what they’re feeling and going through. If it were that easy, trust me, they would have done it! It also communicates to them that you think you know the answer, which if you’ve never had anxiety, can feel frustrating and alienating to someone who deals with it frequently. It will likely make them feel alone and

Read More
Woman on couch with social anxiety.

Five Ways to OVERCOME Social Anxiety

Confidence

05/31/17

Katie Bennett

Catching up with some friends for dinner tonight? Going to a wedding next weekend? Perhaps just meeting a few colleages for an after work drink? These all sound like fun experiences to look forward to, right? Not for everyone! Social anxiety is a real and debilitating disorder affecting approximately 15 million American adults. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you don’t like socializing, or that you’re not good at it. It simply means that the idea of being around other people can create feelings of fear, judgment, self-consciousness and inadequacy. Experiencing these emotions almost every time you’re about to step out for a “fun” night can certainly suck the joy out of things. The good news is that there are many things that can be done to help tame the anxious beast.  Our coaches have worked with many clients struggling with social anxiety, and below are five key strategies that have made a tremendous difference. Best Case / Worst Case Mental Preparation. People who experience social anxiety often over-analyze and catastrophize what is going to happen in a social setting. They draw unsubstantiated assumptions that no one is going to like them or that they are going to say something stupid, and everyone will laugh at them.  Of course, these things very rarely, if ever, materialize. However, it doesn’t stop our minds from entertaining the detrimental thoughts. I encourage clients to mentally prepare for social situations by realistically imagining the very worst thing that could happen. I then encourage them to consider how they would recover from that if it ever happened. Next, I ask them to consider the very best thing that could happen.  Perhaps they will sign a huge business deal or meet the love of their life.  When they do this, they realize that potential downfall from the worst case scenario is actually pretty minor compared to the potential opportunity of the best case scenario, and so they really have nothing to lose.  It is a good idea to keep reminding yourself of this “nothing to lose” concept during the social gathering. Get Outside of Your Head. Often when we feel social anxiety it is because we are so intensely focusing on ourselves – what if we do the wrong thing, say the wrong thing, respond the wrong way and so on.  It can really help to redirect your focus onto the person or people you are speaking to. Listen intently to what they are saying, ask thoughtful questions and take a genuine interest in their life and story.  Our brain cannot be anxious and intensely focused at the same time, so when you give your mental energy to others, you rob your anxiety of its power. Exposure Therapy. The more we avoid things that we are afraid of, the more afraid of them we become.  One of the best ways to tackle social anxiety is to keep putting yourself in social situations.  To take things one step further, it is also a good idea to reflect on the situation after the event and ask yourself,  “Did my fears eventuate? What were some positive outcomes from the situation?” When we do this over and over again, we begin to realize that our anxiety is driven by false fear, and the upside of social gatherings is far greater than the downside. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT is the process of analyzing, challenging and reframing a situation. It helps our brain build new perceptions and associations and is a powerful strategy for tackling social anxiety.  One effective way to apply CBT is by using the ABCDE model.  A is for “Activating Event” – What is causing you anxiety(e.g., a friend’s party)? B is for “Belief” – What thoughts are you associating to this event? For example, “No one is going to like me.” C is for “Consequence”- How is your belief affecting your behavior? For example, because you feel that no one is going to like you, you don’t talk to anyone. D is for “Dispute” – What evidence do you have to support your belief, and can you reframe? For example, “I have always made friends at parties, and instead I am going to have the belief that maybe I’ll meet some great people.” E is for “Effect” – What is the outcome of this new thought? In this case, you’ll feel more optimistic about making friends and therefore speak to more people. Social anxiety arises from distorted thinking, and therefore the most effective way to address it is by changing and reframing our thoughts. Remember you’re not alone. Millions of people around the world struggle with social anxiety.  Just knowing that you’re not alone can in and of itself help you to feel calmer.  When we think we are the only ones with a problem, that problem is exacerbated by the perception that we are strange or crazy. However, when we realize that we are surrounded by millions of people who are also feeling equally anxious, we realize we are not strange or crazy; we are just human.  Next time you are at an event or a party, remember that there are many other people there feeling the same way that you are, and instead of focusing on your own social anxiety, perhaps you can instead try to ease theirs. Remember that we are here to help! If you are looking for support on overcoming anxiety, increasing your confidence and smashing your goals, fill out this form to be matched with a coach for a free consultation.

Read More

The Unexpected Source of Your Happiness (or unhappiness) at Work

Career Discovery

05/29/17

Nicole Rogers

Job description sounds good. Check! Salary is a-o-kay. Check! Commute is easy. Check! What more could you want? Take the job! Right? Hold up – let’s pump the brakes. While the role may sound great on paper, the values and culture of the company you are considering will have a significant impact on your job satisfaction, ability to succeed and personal well-being. And yet, values alignment is such an undervalued criterion for most people when selecting a job… if they consider it at all. The difference between a good and bad day at work usually isn’t because your job description changed. Sure sometimes you may work on something you’re more passionate about, but within any given week, where your work remains fairly consistent, you can have extremely good days and extremely bad days based solely on the behavior of those around you. And that behavior is a reflection of professional values. Professional values are more than just the inspiring words written on the office wall, the themes in your employee handbook given to you on day one or the words rattled off by executives in town hall meetings. They are the observable behaviors of your colleagues. Of leadership.  Not just what they say but how they act. They are what drives decision making and Are their behaviors ones you want to be around? Ones you want to emulate? Ones that inspire you to do your best work? Values have the ability to drive culture and behavior so much more than rules. It’s the difference between doing something because you believe in it and doing something because you’re told to. When strong, positive values are instilled at a company, and when those values align with your own, you are highly motivated to work and achieve. The environment brings out your best qualities, and you are excited to work toward the company’s mission. On the flip side, conflicting values can be so damaging that you are unable to work for the company. Perhaps you don’t agree with the way the company treats its customers or the environment. Perhaps the company values achievement so much more than work/life balance that you have to put your family second. Perhaps the company shows no value for innovation and so your new ideas are always turned down. Values alignment is the difference between empowering and suffocating. Between energizing and demoralizing. Between inspiring and unsettling. It is the key factor behind your ability to be proud of where you work. So when you’re interviewing, here are some things to be on the lookout for: What do people wear? How is the office arranged? Where does leadership sit? On their own floor, in offices, with the staff? What does the energy feel like? What time are people coming and going? How many people are in meetings versus working independently? What are people’s emotions as they exit meetings? What kind of amenities does the office have? What type of equipment do people have on their desks? How are your interviewers and the employees treating each other? And here are some things to directly ask in an interview: What are the company’s values? And what are some examples of how those values show up? How would you describe the culture here? What are the characteristics of people who typically succeed here? How is performance evaluated? What behaviors get rewarded? How are promotions determined? What do you like most or dislike most about working here? When it comes to our happiness and motivation, the way we do work is often much more important than what we do.  When you’re interviewing a company, you may have to read between the lines. Study the behavior more than the words. Seek out companies which promote values that align with your own. When it’s a match, you’ll be on the fast-track. When it’s not, it likely won’t be long before you’re on the hunt for a new job again.

Read More

Download our comprehensive step-by-step guide to design and land a job you love!

Images from The ALV Career Method Guide
ALV Method Downloadable Guide

How to Break Your Addiction to Busy

Presence

05/05/17

Katie Bennett

These days, when you run into a friend on the street and ask them how they are, the answer is rarely “good.”  The answer is more often “busy.” We live in a society addicted to busyness. Some of it may be real, but a lot of it is self-created. With so much external stimulus, we have become prone to creating hectic lifestyles to avoid any kind of real thought or contemplation. We have a fear of what “non-busy” even looks like. What? To be left with our own thoughts? This has become many people’s worst nightmare. Unfortunately, however, our addiction to busyness has come at a huge cost – our health. We have to break your addiction to busy! The most obvious and significant consequence of our constant busyness is stress. Stress not only has serious implications for our mental health but also can dangerously affect our physical health, upsetting our immune system, digestive system and cardiovascular system.  But perhaps just as bad as the consequence of stress is the regret of a life less lived.  I work day everyday with “busy” professionals, and I see first-hand how many of us have become so busy making a living, that they have forgotten to make a life.  The ability to set priorities, set boundaries and say “no” is crucial to overcoming our addiction to busy, improving our health and creating a life that we are truly proud of.  Here are some of the ways I help my clients achieve these things: Know Your Values Values are a grossly underestimated tool in decision making and prioritization.  Often when we make life decisions, we write out long lists of pros and cons.  When we prioritize, we consider factors such as urgency and importance.  But how often do we take a step back and ask ourselves how these life decisions and priorities actually align with who we are and what is important to us?   From my experience with coaching individuals, these questions rarely come up. However, this disconnect between how we live and what we value is one of the deepest sources of anxiety and inner turmoil.  Once we take the time and invest the energy into really defining our core values, and then sorting them in order of importance, we unlock a huge opportunity for greater clarity, confidence and significantly reduced anxiety.  For example, if “family” is your top value, and a weekend work call conflicts with your daughter’s graduation, the decision becomes far easier. There is no longer anxiety about which to accept and which to turn down because it is clear which of these engagements better aligns to your core values. When we live in alliance with our values, it is amazing how much lighter we feel. When we live in alliance with our values, it’s so much easier to break the addiction to busy.  So next time you need to make an important decision, try ditching the pros and cons list and instead draw a hierarchy of your core values.  Explore them, define them and then use them as your compass. Embrace the Space Between Stimulus and Response Another implication of our crazy busy world is that we are scared of silence: verbal and mental.  We are scared to stop or to pause. We are scared to take a moment where we actually just reflect, because if we are not speaking or doing then we no longer appear “busy.” As a result, we strive to fill every second. In doing so, we eliminate an extremely valuable gap between what happens to us and how we respond.  What if we were able to use that gap? When we effectively use the space between stimulus and response, we take back the wheel as driver – we no longer let the tides and currents direct our life, but we own the decisions that we make (and don’t make).  Next time you are in a situation – perhaps you are asked to do take on another project or to join a friend for work drinks. Before you immediately say “yes,” try pausing. Try using the gap between stimulus and response to ask yourself if it is really want you want or can realistically take on. If it is not, simply say “no.”  And don’t say “no” timidly. You are in front of the wheel… own your direction! Which brings me to my next point: Own It Many of us are scared of saying no. Perhaps we feel like we are letting people down. Perhaps we feel like we are inadequate if we can’t do it.  However, the truth is the most admirable and respectable leaders of all time are the ones that are able to say “no,” the ones that know their limits and their boundaries.  It is a sign of strength not weakness to be able to say no. It is also a sign of self respect.  And, in the long run, you will let more people down by saying yes to everyone than you will by carefully choosing your commitments. Why? Because when we always say yes, we do a little bit of everything and a lot of nothing.  This not only affects our mental health – we feel stressed, guilty, overwhelmed – but it also affects other people who do not get your full attention or presence. When we commit to fewer things, we are able to truly invest in them – mentally and physically – and from this, everybody wins.  Seneca once said that, “No one pursuit can be successfully followed by a man who is preoccupied by many things.” We must remember that learning to say “no” to less important commitments opens our life to pursue more important things.  So set your prioritizes, set your boundaries and when you decide to say no – break the addiction to busy and own it! Remember that you are not disrespecting other people’s needs, but instead, you are respecting your own. Prioritize Prioritization Prioritization pops up in almost every personal and professional development article we see.  And

Read More

Want to be happier, healthier and more physically attractive? Be kind.

Mental Health

04/03/17

Katie Bennett

This month our ALV theme is Kindness. It’s a theme that really excites me because it’s one that I’m very passionate about. Personally, I have a lot of room to grow when it comes to kindness… but when I have demonstrated kindness in my life, I have found that the impact has been just as beneficial – if not more – for me as the giver as it was for the receiver. Kindness is in our nature, but sometimes in the busyness and craziness of everyday life, it is forced to take a back seat as we struggle to find time to eat lunch let alone check-in on a friend or buy flowers for our spouse on the way home.  Beyond just being an admirable character strength, kindness is incredibly good for our well-being, and if we can go out of our way to find an organic cafe or make time to go to the gym, then I’m sure we can find time to be kind. And let’s be honest… it really doesn’t take much!  Compliment a stranger, smile at the bus driver, carry an elderly lady’s groceries across the road. Kindness comes in all shapes and sizes, and sometimes the biggest impact can come from the smallest gestures. How do you demonstrate kindness in your everyday life? Truly think about it.  Just like brushing our teeth or driving a car, kindness becomes a habit that we can nurture and develop.  And as you do, you might start to notice these five things happen: You feel happier Kindness stimulates the production of serotonin in our brains (the same chemical targeted by anti-depressants) and helps us calm down and feel happy. The best part is that this is true for the giver, the receiver and everyone who witnesses it. Beyond serotonin, kindness also releases endorphins which is the same chemical released when we eat a delicious block of chocolate. So next time you’re reaching for a snickers, do something kind instead 😉 You feel healthier Kindness also releases the hormone oxytocin (also know as the “cuddle hormone” which plays a significant role in the cardiovascular system). Oxytocin causes the release of nitric oxide in blood vessels which makes them dilate which reduces blood pressure. Oxytocin also makes you feel calm, generous, trusting and strengthens the immune system! You becomes more attractive A new study by Yan Zhang and colleagues assigned participants to three groups and had them rate 60 photographs of unfamiliar female faces, all with neutral expressions. There was no significant difference in rating among the three groups. After two weeks, the participants rated the same pictures again, but this time one group of participants were given positive personality descriptors of the people in the photographs, another group was given negative descriptors, and the third was given no information at all. The group that had been given the positive personality descriptors rated the photographs as more attractive and those that had been given negative personality descriptors gave the lowest ratings to the photographs highlighting that kindness really does make us more attractive. You age slower Aging is caused by many things, but two main culprits are free radicals and inflammation. Well, you know that oxytocin hormone we were just talking about? Well it also reduces inflammation and levels of free radicals, thus slowing down two of the key drivers of aging. You begin to see kindness all around you Kindness is not only healthy, it’s contagious! More contagious than the flu! As mentioned earlier, kindness stimulates the production of serotonin in our brains and helps us calm down and feel happy. The best part is that this is true for the giver, the receiver and everyone who witnesses it. Just think about it… how do you feel when you see someone pick up a bill a stranger dropped, or help an elderly person onto the bus. It warms your heart right? Makes you want to go out there and be kind too! Or when someone does something kind for you? Makes you want to reciprocate, true? The more we demonstrate kindness, the more others show kindness too…. and while we can’t guarantee the whole world will get kinder overnight, we feel pretty confident that at least your world certainly will! So then… what are you waiting for? And if you’re not sure how to be kind, here are 102 awesome ideas to spread kindness. One of my personal favorites is this awesome movement by moreloveletters where you can write and send love letters to strangers who are lonely or going through difficulty. Check out their site and send a love letter today. And if you’re looking for more awesome tips, tools and kindness challenges, join our family by becoming an ALV member. They say that a single ripple of kindness can go on to create a large wave… let’s go and make some ripples! Katie Want more from Ama La Vida? Sign up for our newsletter 🙂 And before you go, if you can spare three minutes, this short video will certainly warm up your heart.

Read More

3 Tips to Declutter Your Work Life

03/28/17

Foram Sheth

Have you ever walked into your colleague’s office looking for that very important time sensitive document only to find yourself in front of piles and piles of documents and scattered food remains? Imagine it – what’s going through your head? If you’re anything like me, you’re feeling anxious, stressed out about meeting your deadline, frustrated, and you curse out your colleague. How can he be so messy?! Now let’s imagine another scenario. You walk into your colleague’s office looking for that very important time sensitive document. You see the shelf with labeled binders and folders. You quickly search for the folder name, retrieve the document – find other documents that might help – and rush over to your desk to complete your task. How are you feeling now? What are you thinking? Besides the obvious of an organized workplace allowing for quick retrieval of documents, there are several physical and mental benefits, such as: It compartmentalizes your work. Consider our example above with an organized office – the document was quickly found because it was in its rightful, clearly labeled folder. And there were additional supporting documents that were not even considered before, which turned out to be helpful. Organizing your office/desk/cubicle helps separate the clutter of the many simultaneous deadlines, projects, and clients, allowing us to focus on the specific client or project at hand. It reduces stress. The physical appearance of clutter brings about anxiety, therefore leading to stress, a sense of feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. An organized workplace allows for quick retrieval of the right document at the right time not only for yourself but for others in the office such as coworkers, bosses and clients. It shows you care. You don’t ever walk into the office with disheveled hair. Why not? You don’t want to look sloppy and of course you want to show off your beautiful hair. Your physical workplace is a reflection of you. And others form perceptions of you based on your workplace. An organized workplace shows pride, loyalty, a sense of caring and responsibility. Next time you contemplate whether or not you want to organize your workplace, think about that one person in the office who is always dressed immaculately. Either you hate this person for being so damn put together or you’re this person. Either way – people know you care about yourself, how you look, and you seem very polished. And that’s just an outfit. Imagine what people may perceive when the workplace is organized. It saves time. You had your Friday outfit all planned on Thursday night. You wake up Friday morning and walk over to your closet for that new shirt. You can’t find it. You frantically start looking everywhere and you still don’t find it. You then go through the 5 stages of grief – you even negotiate to skip happy hour to find that top but you still don’t find it. You’re left with no choice and you pick another outfit, ruining your whole day. Pretty rough day, huh? Similarly, with an organized workplace, you’ll find things more quickly, you feel less frustration, and you’ll find yourself saving time that would have otherwise been wasted looking for that lost document. Tip 1: Organize your digital life I remember an instance where I needed to create a deliverable for a client. I had done something very similar at a previous project so I search my laptop, my emails and of course I couldn’t find it. I spent three hours putting together a document that I had already done before. I was so irritated. This is when I got my butt into gear and decided to organize my files. Take a look at your desktop right now. Do you have files covering every inch of your screen? Do you struggle to find documents or have short term memory like me and don’t remember where you saved something? This can be fixed by organizing your digital life. Here’s how: Step 1: Categorize all projects and recurring actions Think about your day yesterday. What were you doing? How did you spend your time? You may be involved in several projects, some internal initiatives, and you have to submit time and expenses. For all recurring projects and activities, create folders with clear labels for easy access. Step 2: Create a filing system For any emails or documents pertaining to a category created, be sure to file only under that folder. This organized system will help you review documents at a glance, put together summaries or refresh your memory when you need it. This filing system will save you time, energy and chaos of seeing 291293 emails in your inbox, leaving you with only the very important follow up emails in your inbox and space on your screensaver for those very cute golden retrievers. Step 3: Have a consistent naming convention I can’t stress this one enough. There will be times that you forget where you stored that document. By labeling your documents the same way every time, it also avoids any version control issues. My suggestion for naming convention is this: TOPIC_TITLE_ _DATE_VERSION. Having a version such as draft_v2 will prevent you (hopefully) from working on draft_v1 – an outdated draft. Trust me, this may happen when you’re working late nights so avoid the hassle by being diligent about your naming convention. Doing this will not only save you HOURS of time from having to reinvent the wheel but it will also save you a lot of frustration and stress. You’ll also look like the hero when you respond to an email right away because you were able to find the exact information you needed. Not to mention, the next time your boss asks for a document while hovering over you, you can get it to him immediately so he backs off, allowing you to do more important work, like stalking your ex on Facebook. Tip 2:  Organize your to-do list: When you walk into the office in the morning,

Read More

The Gift of Gratitude – The ALV 9

12/21/16

Nicole Wood

Our month spent focusing on The Gift of Gratitude was phenomenal, filled with laughs, happy tears and lots of fun gratitude videos from our ALV family. We’ve spent some time reflecting on all we learned in November have compiled the ALV 9, our top 9 takeaways from blogs, videos, research, coaching, ALV Live with Priya Shah and all your thoughts and ideas in ALV Connect. So let’s have at it: Don’t wait for something negative to enjoy the positive Of course life is a series of ups and downs, and when you are in a down, you have a new perspective on how high that up was. It’s natural. As I mentioned in my blog on gratitude, a concerted effort to identify and be grateful for all the ups you are currently living in can help you feel the same level of happiness and appreciation, hopefully without having to experience the down. Don’t postpone gratitude for certain milestones They call them milestones for a reason. They are something separated by a long distance. Most of your life is spent in the space between the milestones, so it doesn’t make sense to postpone your gratitude or joy for some point potentially far into the future. Learn to appreciate the journey because the journey is the reality in which you live. Absolutely celebrate the milestone once it’s reached, but don’t underestimate the power of the moments in between and the impact your perception of them can have on your life. Appreciate the little things and savor them A cup of coffee. A sunny day. A birthday card. All are beautiful, small things to be grateful for and not to rush past. Start to recognize the little things in life, as Priya Shah would define as The Simple Good.  Savor those moments of appreciation and even document them and share them with the world to enjoy too using #thesimplegood. And if you’re not up for sharing them publicly, document them for yourself. A small task, like journaling for just 5 minutes a day about what you’re grateful for can lead to a stronger immune system, higher levels of positive emotion, more joy and optimism, feeling less lonely, according to The 5 Minute Journal, one of our favorite gratitude tools. Gratitude makes you more successful Foram explained in her coaching insights video that when you express gratitude often, people want to be around you. It gravitates people toward you. This is a positive contributor to your reputation and others’ willingness to support you and can significantly enhance your career success. As quoted in this Forbes article, Geoffrey James states, “People who approach life with a sense of gratitude are constantly aware of what’s wonderful in their life. Because they enjoy the fruits of their successes, they seek out more success. And when things don’t go as planned, people who are grateful can put failure into perspective.” Appreciate people as well as things We often focus on material things when thinking about gratitude and forget to identify the people we are fortunate for in our lives. Most of the time, it is the people which bring us more joy than the things, so we shouldn’t overlook the value of being grateful for them. Take a moment to think about the people in your life who listen to you, support you, are fun to be around, who love you. I’ll bet you’ll find a lot to be grateful for. Express your gratitude In this month’s 20 Minute Life Changer, we had the opportunity to reflect on how it feels to be appreciated and how it feels when those around us don’t recognize our efforts or contributions. You may think it’s understood that you appreciate the people in your life, but often people just aren’t sure until you say it out loud! We also learned that writing a gratitude letter to a loved one can improve your happiness and wellbeing for up to 6 months after the exercise. This video from Soulpancake shows just how powerful the gratitude letter experience can be.  Expressing gratitude makes others feel great and makes you feel great in the process. Identify the flip side to your problems Remember to always put your challenges into perspective. What is the flip side to the annoyances and struggles of daily life? Grrr it sucks so bad that my flight was delayed. But wait I’m so lucky to have the opportunity to travel. What a pain, my laptop won’t work. Hold on a sec, I’m fortunate to have a fancy computer. Chances are, most of the time when something bad happens to us, the situation that even afforded us the opportunity for the bad thing to happen, someone else would love to be in. There are people who do not have the means for a laptop or to travel, so certainly take your moment to be frustrated, but also put that frustration into perspective and appreciate the flip side of your problem. Everyone is going through something As Katie wrote in her blog post, “Why Me (And How Did I Get So Lucky)“, it is easy to get caught up in our own, personal struggles and forget to realize that everyone is going through something. You may think, “What do I have to be grateful for when I’m dealing with such a hardship?” And you may be. But there are people out there who are dealing with trying hardships too in areas of your life that are not challenging for you. Maybe you are having relationship issues, but you have a great career. Maybe someone else has a great relationship but is struggling with weight issues. We all have our personal struggles, and we all have so much to be grateful for too. It is in our darkest times that it is most important to recognize all the light in our lives. Be compassionate Recognizing that everyone has their own challenges is a great way to begin building your capacity for compassion. Who knows

Read More

The Gift of Gratitude

10/31/16

Nicole Wood

It has been a long day for me. I got three hours of sleep, I took a 6am flight, I have been on one bus, three subways and a train today. My laptop refused to connect to the internet all day, so I spent over an hour on the phone with Apple (and was forced to listen to Coldplay while on hold) only to discover it was a network problem and not a laptop problem. While this may seem like a bizarre time to write a blog on gratitude, I actually think it’s quite logical. Listen to my problems. I got to travel to a different city today. I got to explore its transit system and feel that satisfaction of knowing I navigated one bus, three subways and a train all by myself with next to no hiccups ;). I have a Macbook. Something that costs many people’s rent payment. Something I had wanted for a really long time. Damn. I’m pretty freaking lucky.   It’s all about perspective. You can choose to view the array of public transit as a burden or as an adventure. You can pretend like Coldplay is a good band and rock out, or you can let it add to your misery (I know this one’s a stretch. Coldplay sucks). What to you seems like a shitty stroke of luck (having to take a 6am flight), could be something someone else has dreamed of (visiting New York City). I’m not saying don’t feel bad for yourself when unfortunate things happen to you. Take a minute. Cry. Scream. Be angry or sad. But I am saying to also take a second to at least appreciate how lucky you are, and that other people would kill to have your problems. You, like me, have got it pretty damn good.   Don’t wait until you cross a certain threshold to appreciate what you have. I have this tendency. Once my business is making X dollars, it will be amazing. Once we just redo the dining room I’ll love my house. It is human nature to focus more on what you don’t have than what you do. Funny how it takes getting a cold to appreciate being able to breathe through both nostrils. Or being in another country to appreciate the comforts of home. Or seeing another couple fight to be thankful for your partner. You often need to experience the downs to appreciate the ups. But does that have to be the case? What if we tried, really tried hard, to recognize that much of what we’re living right now is an up, and if we are very fortunate, we may never have to experience the down. What if we focused more on what we do have than what we don’t? I can guarantee you, that concerted effort to recognize and appreciate the ups you are living in, will make you feel more happy and full.   Even when we are grateful and we recognize it internally, most of us really suck at expressing it. Who did something nice for you today? Who supported you, complimented you, helped you, listened to you, made you laugh, taught you something, shared something with you? There are people all around us who add beauty and excitement to our lives. But we wait for special occasions (or a late night drunken bonding sesh) to tell them how much it means. That’s bullshit. Don’t wait. Tell them today. Tell them right now. Tell them in the moment that you’re thankful. Let them know that you recognize them for what they’re adding to your life and you appreciate it. It will feel good for them to hear, and it will feel good for you to say.   Now I know that each and every one of us has gone through something real. True heartache that doesn’t come from a broken laptop. So I won’t belittle your life’s struggles or assume that you have made it to where you are without the world truly testing the limits of your resolve. Rather what I challenge you to do is change your mindset. Begin to see the even small moments of beauty when you’re smack dab in the middle of those trying times. And take the time to appreciate those moments and those people, even when things are going well. The world will continue to offer you these gifts, if you take the time to be grateful for them. Write a mental thank you card to the world. And you’ll be surprised at how much more she gives and gives.

Read More

Don’t Do a Solo

10/12/16

Nicole Wood

I used to do ballet. Like a lot. Like every day. Like I was pretty darn good. And I remember my classmates and I would all bitch and moan when we were taking a class that was too easy. It was boring. What was I going to learn doing the same steps I had done since I was three? Until I had a teacher tell me #1 to stop being a brat and #2 to recognize that  from every teacher and every class there is always something new to be learned. Could they show me how to stretch a little further or engage a new muscle or think about the same old step in a brand new way that would completely change it for me? Turned out they could, and it did. I really challenged myself to soak up every word my teachers had to say. To think of every class as an opportunity to get better, even at the things I had done a million times before. It worked. I kept getting better. And I was significantly more successful as a dancer following that revelation (that was many moons ago – now I struggle to touch my toes). Sometimes we go through big transitions in life, and we recognize that we need additional support or preparation. Getting a promotion, becoming a parent, changing careers, getting a divorce. These things are like those really challenging ballet classes, where you’re doing very difficult moves or brand new ones. You recognize that you’re not awesome at it or you need someone to help you figure out how to do it or you have no fucking clue what you’re doing. This is certainly an optimal time to seek out coaching to provide you with that support and to help you move as gracefully as possible through those transitions. But what about the things you have done a million times? The things you have been doing since you were three years old? Setting goals. Expressing gratitude. Dealing with stress. We may not recognize that we have room to grow when it comes to these things just because we have had to do them so often. But that doesn’t make us experts, and it definitely doesn’t mean we can’t get better. Start to view your daily life as that easy ballet class. Sure the challenging move commands your attention because it comes as such a shock, but you will only do it once in a blue moon. How about getting even better at the things you do every single day? What if you have been making mistakes doing these things all along? Start investing your time and energy into constantly improving yourself. Recognize that coaches, like my dance teachers, can help you learn and grow. You too will get better and better, and you will find yourself more successful, more fulfilled and much much happier. So why work with a coach on this and not just do it on your own? Because in all likelihood, you are not an expert in personal and professional development. That’s okay! You’re not expected to be. Maybe you’re an expert in accounting or fashion or teaching math. We suck at most of those things, but personal and professional development is our specialty. This is what we spend all day doing. This is why we can help. There is so much proof in the business world that one person or entity cannot do it all. Assembly lines. Outsourcing. Specializations. We cannot possibly be experts in everything, and so we focus on a core competency and lean on partners for support with the rest. Stop expecting yourself to be a master at all things related to your life. Stop feeling bad if you can’t handle your stress or your goals or your plans or your fears on your own. Don’t feel it is a sign of weakness to step back and ask for help. Knowing when to ask for help makes you wise, not weak. We are shameless in asking for help when it comes to our bodies. We take fitness classes, see personal trainers, chiropractors, dietitians all the time. But when it comes to personal growth and mental health, we often sweep the problem under the rug or struggle through it in isolation. This is mind boggling to me (or as Will Ferrell would say “mind bottling“). The prioritization here seems a bit off.  I’d rather carry around 10 extra pounds for the rest of my life than not be the best professional, friend, partner, daughter and one day parent that I can be. But luckily for me and you, it’s not one or the other. Which is good – cause I really want to get rid of those extra LBs too. You are not weak for asking for help with your personal development, and you don’t need to be a certain kind of person either. You don’t need to be someone who does yoga or is super positive or is a gluten free vegan. Look at me – I drop f bombs like every other word, and my two main food groups are bacon and cheese (#murica). But I still recognize that I’m not perfect, that I have things about myself I need to work on and that I need others to support my development if I want to achieve all the things I dream of (and I dream of one day having a moat around my house that doubles as a lazy river…BIG goals). You may be a phenomenal person already; I’m not disputing that. But even the best dancers work with teachers, the best athletes work with coaches. It’s how you get from being a good you to the best you.   I relied on my ballet teachers for so much back in the day – technical training, empowerment, accountability, a shoulder to cry on. We are surrounded by people like this when we’re young from teachers to coaches to advisors. But sometime in our late

Read More